These challenging times…

    

Two days in line, and you come to know about passing away of the two stalwarts. It’s not that we are here forever. We all are going to die some or the other day. But when everything around is gloomy, losing such persons around is not just shocking but also it is depressing.

When one read/ hear such news one’s view that 2020 is pathetic and worst year gets reinstated. I too feel the same. 2020 started well but none had iota that this would be devastating year. Corona which was just confined to some part of the world in Wuhan spread like wild fire across the globe had to be declared as pandemic. Now the whole world is under lockdown.

When I sit back and look, two months ago life was all normal – alive, kicking, happy and happening. A typical day would start with my whole family around me. I used to work, study, conduct sessions, go and meet up friends, hang-out in some book-café, enjoy “me-time” on bridges or parks or any open public spaces, have hearty laughter and sweet moments with my relatives and what not.

It’s all gone now. Mom is posted 50+Km apart from where we live. I miss her. Because of this health emergency, being in paramedics, she and her fraternity are now taking lead in this fight against corona. We get to meet her only once in a week or two, that too if circumstances permit. We talk daily on phone. However, technology can never be substitute to actual human presence.

When quarantine started, first few days went in confusion. I was trying grasp what exactly is happening around. I constantly followed news. Number of patients on rise, irresponsible citizens still roaming around, shortage of safety kits to the health workers, brutal attacks on health workers/ police, daily-wagers/ migrants making futile efforts to get back to their homes in time of crisis etc. etc. It was so disturbing.

When we are thrown in uncertainty and when life around is unpredictable, one needs time to get adapted to the circumstances and the situation. 

Our help was asked not come just to make sure there is no in-out of house more often, thus reducing chances of infection. With Mom not a home, my sister and I had to take charge of the kitchen. We struggled to get up early. We had to distribute work amongst ourselves. We had to micro-manage things. Besides, we also had our own work as well. We tried to fit in the schedule with extra work on our platter. This was our physical struggle.

There was psychological struggle as well.  The very thought that mom is not around and that we are not able to meet people we meet daily, made me sick. Also, I was consuming more on more information and in that news which was fully-loaded with corona information. 

I realised that I was consuming more than I should and that I kept ranting about it with every single person around me, it just added to my mental anguish. I started getting frustrated at minute things. I felt down on energy despite eating and resting well. I felt low on enthusiasm and felt disinterested and depressing. Even “quarantine challenges” acted as temporary relief. All this had to stop somewhere.

I decided to make simple time-table and try to implement it. It was really hard to implement even 20% things on the list. Whenever I took my study-material in hand I felt sleepy. On the top of that I felt exams are anyway postponed what is the point in studying. Also my mind tricked me into believing that I won’t be able to study at home because am used to study-rooms/ libraries. My mind forced to substitute my study material with books- both fiction and non-fiction. In terms of other works on my list like cleaning wardrobes and cupboards, I started to postpone them. I realised I was slipping in the cycle of procrastination. And that was expected because I was used to work as per “deadlines”. I found myself to be unproductive.

One may think that as long as one’s all the basic needs are satisfied – food, clothing and shelter, one could live a good life. I agree to it but not wholly. Once one has already passed that phase of struggle for these basic needs, one craves for more. And that more could be anything including trying to be better in any which aspect of life. These cravings were ended abruptly thanks to corona and that was the real reason of the agony that I faced. I, like billions others, was not able to live the life I desired to and hence the frustration!

I wanted it all to end. One fine day, I decided – I’ve had enough. This has to stop, I will make it stop. The very first thing I did was to convince myself that this is the new way how life is going to be, at least for few more months.  You have to deal with it, there is no escape. 

Change can be overwhelming, but that is what life is all about. Change is the only constant. I too decided to at least try my best to adapt instead of pushing myself hard.

I tried to be more mindful. I tried to focus on work at hand instead of thinking of what will this day bring to me. So be it making rotis or petting Bunny, I tried to be mindful. 

I also defined time-slots when I will access news/ social media and adhered to it. Now I go for e-paper instead of unending scrolls on news app. And it has worked wonder. These small changes, are not just soothing but also it has helped me reduce my anxiety. 

I understand that my non-reading of news won’t change what is happening around in the world, but it did change the world inside me. I got more time to sit back and ponder over the happening and analyse them more effectively instead of being panicky and reactive.

I invested my time in gardening. I planted sweet-potatoes, chillies, capsicum, corn, okra. It is such a blissful experience to take care of your plants and to watch it grow every day. Now I empathise more with farmers. I’ve realised the worth of food and why not to waste it. I would like to pursue my interest in gardening for life-long.

I read lots of good articles, books, did some art work. Playing with colours and taking effort to put your idea on paper is such a wonderful experience. 

I speak to my friends on video-call daily and this too makes me feel alive. It is new way to hang-out. We invite each other for tea that too on whatsapp and we also share our food/ tea through images. It is so good to be in touch instead of none. I know I won't be wholly successful in keeping myself engaged totally, but yes even trying is itself good. Journey is more important than destination!

To sum up, “Quarantine time” though unexpected and unwanted is inevitable as of. It is a challenging time not just at an individual or personal level but at so many levels. However, one can try to make most out of it, try to better the skills already one has and learn new skills. For me along with all this, it has made me realise how privileged I am. 

At the end of the day, these times too shall pass and we all got this. We will make through it. It is said that tough times don’t last, but tough people do. We all shall do!           

Power to us💪