Pandemic & People

No pandemic is good. It results in huge loss in terms of jobs, economy and life. It halts everything. People are thrown out of their jobs, people are thrown in poverty, people become penniless, people become homeless.

No, pandemic is good. For those few privileged ones, pandemic is indeed good or so do they try to portray. They finally get a break from their otherwise nerve-wrenching tight schedules. They don’t have to stick on those strict deadlines. It is a much needed & deserved break from otherwise fast paced lives. Families are together, cooking & munching, playing & “spending” time together. So many “happy” realisations – like importance of family, people around, privileges and what not. So, pandemic is good.

No pandemic is good, especially for those who are “extroverts”, “party animals” & “social butterflies”. They went crazy to adapt to those strict lockdowns. They were even ready to risk their lives, have cane-marks on their butts but somehow get some fresh air. For them it was as if someone had jailed them. They had altogether different set of problems. They were getting nervous, anxious & depressed by the very thought that now “social-distancing” is new-normal. Daily video calls became normal routine. Some texted 100 times a day & called every morning-evening-night. They somehow tried to be in touch.

No, pandemic is good. For someone like me pandemic is indeed good. Thanks to it I could explore different aspects on myself which I had no idea exists. Most of all I could explore nature of human through own experience and in placing myself in relation to others.

Revelations weren’t shocking. The one who claim to be the best-friend is not really one. The one who claims to know you more than you know yourself is lying. The one who says call me anytime, will be there for you, is the first to run away when you try to open up. The list goes on.  It is just that people really love the people who are good listeners. However, you cannot be the one listening to all the time. You have your limits. You are not a dustbin to carry everyone’s crap.

There comes a time during pandemic, when every single guard of yours come down crashing. That is exactly when you realise the futility of “forever” things. Trust me nothing is forever. No relation, no friendship or no family. Because being selfish is inherent nature of human being, everyone tries to shove off their own share of responsibility. If you are elder one & “understanding” one, you face the brunt and in worst possible manner, because you are not allowed to be imperfect. Burden is on your shoulders, to get everything in order & this is mentally exhausting and emotionally excruciating.

Most painful of all is to see true faces of the people, whom you thought were the truest one/ your clan/ the one whom you trust the most etc. The way they think, their true intentions, their true self is revealed and it hurts. It hurts badly when you realise that you are being used. You keep putting in that relation just to realise it is taking you nowhere. Let alone reward it is draining you mentally & emotionally. And it is you alone who is putting into that relation, everything is one and you keep begging love. But then this is how you become clingy and miserable. Expecting love, care and kindness is too much to expect during pandemic.

That precisely is vulnerability of humans. When you are not at your best, when nothing is going your way that is when you feel the weakest. This exact feeling is the vulnerability. Of all the things revealed by the pandemic, this one intrigued me the most of human nature.

When you don’t feel secure, when you don’t feel loved, when you feel you are being used, you are being manipulated, you feel vulnerable. This is may be because you know that there is nothing much you can do about it. That is the feeling of being powerless, helpless and useless. Events, people and their behaviour trigger this feeling and this engulfs you like a wild-fire. It becomes difficult to pull yourself out of this sinking unending infinity loop of thoughts. No amount of self-care works.

One thing is there though! Vulnerability teaches the most basic thing, that nothing is permanent. Everything is temporary. In the end nothing really matters. People come and go. Time come and go. Ones you realise how insignificant you are to change it or control it, it becomes easier to deal with that loop. Just let it go. And yes being vulnerable is beautiful in a sense it makes you more humble. It makes you more accepting and kind towards others and towards self. And this is what matters during trying times. So, pandemic is good!