Disconnected, Lonely and Lost!

 

Today I came across this headline - "Japan appoints ‘Minister of Loneliness’ after suicide rates increase for first time in 11 years"! Initially I felt that it was some fake news, but on veracity of that news I so wished I was born in Japan! At least someone is bothering to acknowledge and address the issue of loneliness.

To be honest, pandemic has made feeling of loneliness a recurrent one. It is as if this unannounced visitor has decided to stay forever. The more you try to come out of it, the more it drags you down towards itself. News of lockdowns, makes me all the more anxious and triggers the unending memories of lockdown and hopelessness creeps in. Trust me it becomes difficult to even breathe with these thoughts in mind.

Pandemic is gloomy and it is real. You really don't know what happens next. You don't get to see people you really treasure and cherish very frequently. Communication through phone or video calls doesn't replace actual human touch. And that kills you inch by inch from inside.

Matters worsen when someone doesn't pick a call or don't reply the text or when you meet, the same zeal and warmth is not reciprocated by the person. You feel shut out, left out and abandoned. You really feel all that at ones. That makes you more lonely and everything seems to be an illusion. 

You are starved of that one meaningful relation, that assuring conversation and all you realise is people change at a blink of an eye. Change is the only constant, agreed. People get adapted and get over the situation. When your pace to adapt to changed circumstances and changed people is slow, you feel inferior. And lonely.

This loneliness underlines the very fact that you are human, whose needs encompass basic needs. You need love, you need care, you need affection, you need warmth, you need people, though handful, who are there to back you. All these are essential for your survival. And when we are deprived of it, no amount of money or food or fancy material stuff help. 

Loneliness just adds to misery of life. It makes you destructive. Suicidal thoughts and ideation becomes the only feasible activity. You fear to open up because you are scared of empty empathy and false sympathy. 

People do have tendency to judge you. Your fear that people will exploit you if you confide in them, is the reasonable one. Also, it is undoubtedly worst, the way people use you at their own whims and fancies and then discard you.

Still that should not stop you from an attempt to come out of loneliness. Accept the fact that you are human, and your brain is hardwired to make you a social animal. By that virtue you have certain psychological needs which shall be catered too. You are vulnerable. Embrace your vulnerability. 

Consider loneliness as your old friend, who decided to stop by and stay for a while. Talk to it, talk to yourself. You know neither loneliness nor you are going to judge you. Pen down your thoughts. Journal those. Most importantly keep yourself engaged. Revisit your good memories. Share those. Express those. If you feel uncomfortable to share it with (once) dear ones, write it down. Talk to your pets, your plants. It may sound bizzare, but it does work sometimes.

Last but not the least, just keep going, bit by bit. Inch by inch crawl out of this loneliness. After all you have been there, done that!